Around the time I was 18 or 19 I became very sick with anorexia and depression. At my lowest moments I felt very angry with God. My memory is quite hazy of this time, but I do remember searching out churches trying to find answers
I think I have always described myself as a Christian. Since I was very young I was taken along to Sunday School by my mother, and when I outgrew this, I 'graduated' to our youth group.
At 14 I was confirmed, at a time when my faith was unshakable. However, due to work commitments and peer pressure, I stopped attending church during my late teens.
I grew more distant from the church, and more importantly God. Although I always believed, I ignored God.
Around the time I was 18 or 19 I became very sick with anorexia and depression. At my lowest moments I felt very angry with God. My memory is quite hazy of this time, but I do remember searching out churches trying to find answers.
Looking back, I see how God guided me through this time and my recovery. The ordeal has bought me closer to God and I have now re-evaluated my life, prioritised God in my life.
I almost don't recognise the person I was before. At times, when I feel like I am failing and cannot live up to God's expectations of me, I find it so helpful to look back at the great work God has already done in me, and how far he's brought me.
One of my favourite verses is Philippians 4:13 "I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength." When things are scary and I feel like I can't possibly do it, I look up this verse - it is Christ that gives me strength to do all things.
I feel God at work around me constantly, from subtle changes in myself over time, to grand gestures. For example, my son had been crying for over sixhours one night, and I hadn't slept in almost 24 hours. I was alone in the house and felt so isolated. I cried to God for help, then immediately I felt a hand on my shoulder and felt an overwhelming sense of peace. He makes me so joyful!
Before, my life was about pleasing myself and others; I now have far more satisfaction and enjoyment pleasing and serving God.
About the author
Terrie Walker is a clinical coordinator and scientist for a biotech company and a member of St James Mangotsfield.