I planned everything, wrote my suicide note, but felt that I should pray one more time - this time not to be helped, but to make my peace with God
I grew up in a family that was agnostic and I always had a wonder in my heart around the existence of God.
During my mid teens, I experienced a period of acute depression. After experiencing this depression for around two years and praying with no results, I felt there was nothing more to live for and therefore decided that I would take my own life.
I planned everything, wrote my suicide note, but felt that I should pray one more time - this time not to be helped, but to make my peace with God. So I prayed, asking God to forgive me for my impending action and saying that whatever he would do with me afterward, I was really OK with.
I went to sleep that night and when I woke the next morning, my mood was lifted and the suicidal thoughts had gone. The depression left me from that night and hasnt returned since. For me this was divine intervention. I believe it was when I gave myself over to God completely, that he responded with the pure type of compassionate, loving kindness that can only be extended from God.
In my mid 20s, a friend introduced me to Buddhism and as a result I became a practicing Buddhist. During a period of deep meditation, in which I was directed to picture a compassionate spiritual teacher, I experienced an image of Jesus and this was accompanied with a real sense of peace and compassion. After this meditation practice, I remember saying out loud, I dont think Im a Buddhist. I think Im a Christian.
Following significant reflection on this event, I felt the best way to move forward would be to get in contact with the church. So I sent an email off to Christ Church explaining the situation and got a really lovely response back, inviting and encouraging me to come along to Alpha.
I am now nearing the end of Alpha with Christ Church. I have met some lovely friends and we have shared our thoughts and stories together. I have seen my faith grow with each week that passes. I have recently had a very real sense of what Jesus did for me and continues to do for me today.
This is my story so far, but I have no doubt that what I have actually written is just the introduction, as my journey continues with Jesus by my side.
About the author
Daniel Beasant is a member of Christ Church Swindon and works locally as a Mental Health Support Worker.